Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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