no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
