There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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