Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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