Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
