Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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