"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
