Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Two words: nipple clamps
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