When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
