Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish my penis had an off switch
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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