Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
