ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
