i just wanna soil my oats bro
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
