god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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