Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the day after is always just damage control
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
