How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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