question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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