At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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