Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
