Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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