glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
