It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
