I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
