shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
