If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
