Someone shit on the floor
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
