If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
