you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
