He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found the puke drawer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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