she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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