i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're a waste of cheezeits
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
