He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
