Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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