dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
