i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
