Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We left the knife in your bed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
