I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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