The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
