his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's always time for handjobs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
