I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Holy sore nipples Batman
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
