guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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