Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
