if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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