shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
