i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
