i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
