Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
