So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
