he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
