you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
