so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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