Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
