i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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