At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
