Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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